Mafia Gazette Past Issue 34
Monday 26th September 'FROSTY RECEPTION FOR COLDICE ' Made Man ColdIce has met with open hostility in the streets for the second day in a row after bringing a mail to the public eye and referring to this thing of ours as a “Game”. Shortly after that he made another speech in the streets in an attempt to answer some of the questions asked over the past couple of days since he was Made. Several people came out in the streets to listen to what ColdIce had to say, although following on from a badly worded, bordering on illiterate release from his Secretary, Catherine, as well as yesterday’s proclamation in the streets asking people to “Bring it the *expletive deleted* on”, many had jaundiced vies on anything ColdIce said. His latest statement on the streets said that he would be open for questions, however at the time of writing, nothing more has been heard from him. This could be because he is sequestered in his Headquarters after suffering a nearly fatal wound, despite saying, “I don’t want it but I will not hide away from you.” Our new Made Man is seldom seen on the streets and this third announcement in two days is a complete turnaround for the previously reclusive ColdIce. Many have called him disrespectful and undeserving of his rank. Will future Made Men learn from his mistakes and provide leaders that the community can look up to? The community at large seems to hope so. 'LAS VEGAS HOSPITAL AND SANATORIUM BEING SUED ' This just in… Frank Sinatra the Third is suing the Las Vegas Hospital and Sanatorium after surgeons failed to properly replace his eyeball after a tragic accident while out on the town at the Las Vegas Club casino. Mr. Sinatra and several of his friends were walking down Freemont Street when the sight of the city’s first street light caught their eye. As they were sitting there musing about its brightness in a drunken conversation one of Mr. Sinatra’s cohorts lost his footing and bumped into Mr. Sinatra pushing him into the path of an oncoming milk delivery wagon. Not being able to regain his bearings Mr. Sinatra’s head bounced off the side of the wagon’s front wheel causing his eyeball to be expelled from the socket. The inebriated crew pulled Mr. Sinatra’s unconscious body from the streets and rushed him to the Las Vegas Hospital and Sanatorium, holding his eyeball against his face while keeping it moist in a tin cup filled with some sort of spirit. Not realizing that this would damage the eye his friends felt this was the best course of action. Upon arrival at the hospital with the eye slowly becoming pickled in the solution it was in doctors rushed to replace it into Mr. Sinatra’s skull immediately. Due to the pickling his orb had increased in size exponentially and doctors did their best to restore it in the socket. They cautioned Mr. Sinatra against any strenuous activity and instructed him on the care he would be required to give his ailing organ and warned him that any impact may cause it to “pop” out again. Not heeding this advice Mr. Sinatra took part in a game of Kick the Can yesterday and fell once again, causing his eye to slip from his socket. A representative from the Las Vegas Hospital and Sanatorium has stated that the staff are in no way responsible for this happening as they cautioned Mr. Sinatra repeatedly before he left the hospital. Mr. Sinatra is unavailable for comment at this time. 'MISS MAFIA, ROUNDS 5 & 6 ' By Tea_Jenny Round 5 was the swimwear contest. This round was to be judged by VitoCapone and hosted by Tie Domi who seemed to think that he was the luckiest man in the world to be standing on the stage with all those ladies in their bathing suits. There was a wide range of swimsuits being proudly modelled by the ladies from one piece swimsuits to little bikinis and the crowd loved them all. The usual ladies turned up and answered the questions set out to them by the judge without to much trouble. A few of the ladies struggled with the last question where they had to point out their flaws but most of them confidently read out big lists of them. Round 6 was the costume round, Tie was desperately hoping to see some nurses in this round but sadly for him no one turned up in a nurses outfit. Some of the ladies didn't seem to realise that they were supposed to be in costume and turned up in lovely dresses...although not what was asked. One girl even turned up in her underwear...seams Tie sent her the wrong instructions for the round... The ladies who did turn up in costume however looked as if they had put a fair bit of effort into them and carried them off well. There was a lot of confusion about judge BarbieDahl's question 3 concerning what a Tata contest is. None of the ladies seemed to know and so this made for a couple of funny answers including one about potatoes.. We had some heart warming stories in the final two parter when the ladies where asked about their role models and I'm sure there were some flattered people listening in the audience. Well with miss mafia now over all we have to do now is wait and see who wins. Good luck to all the ladies who entered as they have all done well. Its all in the judges hands now. 'MISS MAFIA CONTEST ' By: Miss Mafia Supporter This past weekend saw the ending of the questions for the Miss Mafia contest. All that’s left now is the judging and the awards ceremony. We at the Gazette would like to thank everybody who was involved with the contest for the hard work and dedication that they put in. Without any of these people this contest would not have been possible and we genuinely thank them for their contributions. For those of you who weren’t following along here is a list of people who were involved with the contest. Sponsor: BarbieDahl Judges: MadDog, Relapsed, Opei, Fletcher, VitoCapone And of course the very sexy and talented BarbieDahl who is the only reason why the contest was up and running in the first place Contestants: Carmela, Valencia, Natatia, Venom_Vixen, Mamacita, Witch, Zadie, Envious, Gigi MC: Definitely can’t forget about the MC of the contest. That lovable, ladies man himself, TieDomi. This contest had many twists and turns with Lexicon having to dropout because of illness, (we hope you get well soon Lexi) and more than one contestant dying, and their daughters having to step in and take over for them. The contest got under way with Tie announcing how great he is. And let’s face it he is. There were a lot of memorable moments through the contest though. Too many too list, and not all from Tie (although a good deal of them were). There were a great variety of contestants. From Carmela the editor of the Gazette to the well-known Zadie family-line, to, before she dropped out due to illness, Lexicon the head doctor at St. MoneyZeb’s Mental Institution. A great variety of people were judging the contest as well. From the sponsor of the event the always-lovely BarbieDahl, to MadDog the head of the LA Commission, to everybody’s favourite penguin, Opei. From when the judges and contestants were announced you could tell this was going to be a very interesting contest. Then you throw Tie in as the MC and you knew this was going to be something special. Through the whole contest nobody really had a clear-cut edge on the rest of the competition. It was close up to the very last round. Every one of those ladies deserves to be Miss Mafia but who will actually become Miss Mafia? Will there be a tie? What happens if there is a tie? Look at that…even whenever you try to not talk about Tie he shows up anyway! He sure is a great guy. Back on topic…what would happen in the event of a tie? Would there be some kind of a tiebreaker or would there be Co-Miss Mafias? Only time will tell. Anyway due to the company party we kinda lost some of the archives so we don’t have every round but here is a top five list of memorable moments: 5. Tie’s happiness because of the swimsuit round. 4. Tie’s round six intro. 3. The swimsuit round! 2. The real reason Carmela chose Florence Nightingale as her costume in round six. Which was because Tie asked for a nurse. 1. And the number one memorable moment of the Miss Mafia Contest…Venom_VixenIII’s costume for the round six! 'OBITUARY ' Obit for Jovinceino From: Gangitano "You were there for me, and for that i greatly appreciate what you have done" 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie ....Gigi was seen after round six of the Miss Mafia contest strutting down Madison Ave and Yelling "Yarr" in peoples faces, Calling them "Scallywags" and threatening to make them walk the plank. No one was harmed but someone informed me that stapled was so scared of her waving her sword he wet himself. ....Sithas is working nights as a male stripper. Not that that’s a bad thing. We ladies just need to find out where so we can go ogle the goodies. ....Another St. MoneyZeb’s will be opening soon. Since the one facility is so crowded already, word of another one opening to separate the crazies is being whispered about. Oh Lord save us. Two huge groups of crazies? But more medicine, Spit, and Fun in the long run don’t you agree? Poor Dr. Lexi that’s all I have to say. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. GRAND OPENING The Starlight Pub- NY The Starlight Pub opened its doors to the public this morning. The Interesting decor of the inside simply takes your breath away. Since it is the grand opening, the first round of drinks is free! Stop by today at this address... http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=6634 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC) HORSES FOR SALE 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC) 1 Naked Momma $200,000 Sunday 03:59AM 2 Southern Comet $150,000 Saturday 05:29PM 3 Lucky Hitman $175,000 Saturday 01:59PM Contact: PaddyDwyer 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC) $$For Sale$$ Clumsy Sam $200,000 Chubby MoFo $350,000 Scrawny Mouse $300,000 Contact GroveST Price's can be talked about. Horses for Sale 1 Thunder Thief $175,000 2 Silent Boy $175,000 3 Evil Gentleman $500,000 4 Eternal Candy $750,000 5 Friendly Sam $490,000 6 Manic Liquid $415,000 7 Famous Problem $155,000 All prices open to negotiation, Please contact Witch 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:35, January 5, 2013 (UTC) 1 Clumsy Nut $200,000 Sunday 01:29PM Contact: The-mafioso 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. ' http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=42